apropos of anything

I don’t like change.

There, I said it. I prefer things to be the way I know them. It’s not like I’m going to eat mac and cheese for dinner every night for six weeks, or never change up my hairstyle, or always listen to the same album as I drive to work; that gets old and tired, and I’m all for a little variety in my life. When it comes to the big things, though, I like some consistency. Some reliability.

But sometimes it’s good to mix things up a bit.

A few weeks ago I began a blog entry (that I never actually posted) about whether I could give up something I loved, something I could accurately credit as having once saved me, if that same something was now turning me into a shrill, bitter, shrieking harridan. It turns out I can, at least partly, with a little help from my friends.

I’m slightly sad when I think about it, but things were changing without me anyway, so I’d be sad regardless. I will miss people. I will miss them very much, miss confusing Exlax with Maalox, miss feigning outrage over a slight to my plum crisp, miss laughing myself silly that anyone could not know his own pant size, or that an American might need subtitles for a British film. And I’m excited too, because things could be changing way for the better (or not, but I’d rather be a glass half-full kind of gal), and the people that I will miss, they will still be around.

In a minute there is time for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse, and that’s where I’ve been for the past few weeks, trapped in that minute, deciding and revising, treading back and forth upon the stairs, finally realizing that no matter how much it’s going to hurt, I can do this, and I should do this.

I was always going to. It just took me a while to realize that.

So that’s why the radio silence for so long. I had stuff to figure out. I hope to be posting more regularly, and less cryptically, soon.

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