Y'ALL.
KEN IS QUITTING.
I… I just don’t know what to say. Who is going to threaten Burger Kings with me now? Do jumping jacks to distract the guy at the Bistro? Tell me I’m a dropout? Ask Dominique Wilkins embarrassing questions? Take my DVD player apart and try to put it back together? Call the NOC to turn off the light on my fishtank? Offer Ivan his spare longjohns when it’s cold outside? Discuss Speedos with Ivan and Carlos at lunch while I valiantly try not to hurl?
It’s just… very sad. We’re all very sad. And we’re channeling that sadness by telling Ken every five minutes just how much he sucks for leaving us.