A King’s ransom
The Burger King is disturbing. Very, very disturbing. Apparently, that’s the point (and apparently it works). Except me, I am not an 18- to 35-year-old male, so my characterization of this plastic-faced mascot ends with “disturbing” and never progresses to “cool.” I am not, nor will I ever be, a “superfan.” I’m totally okay with that.
What I’m not okay with is a gaggle of Burger King bobbleheads staring up at me from a desktop like a chillingly psychotic bobblehead army. When one of those shows up in your workplace, it is time to take action, my friends. It is time to form your own army.
The bobbleheads, they have been captured. They are currently being held in an undisclosed location, but we are happy to provide pictures as proof of their existence:
Only our strong moral sense kept us from crushing
these maniacal sociopaths into plastic smithereens.
Even sociopaths deserve a chance to defend themselves.
However, if our terms are not met immediately and without protest, we will have no choice but to dispose of the bobbleheads on our own terms… and I promise you, Unnamed Person Who Brought Bobblehead Army Into the Office, it will not be pretty. A taste, if you will, of what’s to come (clicking on the pictures will show you larger versions):
Meet our demands, or the King gets sucked into the Pipeline
The Burger King is pinned after receiving the
smackdown of his short plastic life.
One of his bobblehead buddies attempts a rescue…
…only to discover first-hand what happens to the
foolish figurine who attempts THAT course of action.
Hanging by a precarious slink.
If we have to, we WILL break out the big guns.
We are obviously not kidding around. One false move, and the Kings get it. If the Kings are to be returned unharmed, they must be disbanded. They cannot form groups of more than two Kings at a time. They can no longer grin maniacally at everyone who passes by. They must change expressions every once in a while.
We feel these terms are reasonable. We await your response.
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