apropos of anything

Dear spammers,

My post titled “Searching for the elusive cookie” is actually about the kind of cookies you eat, not the kind of cookies that Web browsers use to record personal information. If you’re trying to sneak a comment by me by making it look “legitimate”, perhaps for that post you should lead with something other than, “Thanks for writing about this. There’s a bunch of great tech info on the internet. You’ve got a lot of that info here on your site.”

Obviously you don’t read my site. It’s far more about the kind of cookies you eat than the kind of cookies you code.

Thanks for the laugh, though.

I came home from the office about 45 minutes ago, and in that time I’ve eaten, changed into pajamas, and tried to figure out where I’m going to pick back up again. And also how I’m going to stay awake because despite sleeping approximately 30 hours this weekend, I am so, so tired.

That’s why I didn’t post much last year: Every post would mention somewhere, I am so, so tired. It would get redundant and boring, and not even the occasional I am so, so angry would do much to break up the monotony… so I didn’t post at all. I meant to do better this year, but… I am so, so tired. I’m not sure it’s going to get any better anytime soon, even though I promised myself that this year would be better, that this year I would see my friends and eat lunch and make time to pee.

Perhaps this is where I make myself stick to that promise because here it’s in black and white, and if I don’t post much, well then I have to do better. For me.

“Does anybody READ poetry anymore?”

Last Saturday, as we made dinner at Alicia’s after finally seeing Sherlock Holmes, I asked this question rather cavalierly without stopping to think that her houseguest Becky is getting a graduate degree in something related to literature and creative writing. I don’t remember much of the context of the conversation at the time (I think it had something to do with making a living as a poet), only that I felt rather bad about my comment, especially after Becky replied, “Well, I hope so.”

And really, I hope so too, very much, if only for the sixteen-year-old version of myself who devoured literature and poetry and was, in general, I think, a happier person… but I honestly don’t think I know anybody who reads poetry. I have many friends who read prose, but I can’t really think of the last time somebody’s called me up to discuss a poem they’d just finished. I also can’t think of the last time I came across a poem at all. I never was much for “modern” poetry in high school, so yes, I don’t go out of my way looking for it, but I don’t go out of my way looking for prose either, and yet I find new and interesting prose all the time.

Freshman year of college, Zara sent me a letter about the happenings at BU, and she enclosed a couple of photocopied Maya Angelou poems, including “Phenomenal Woman”. I loved the something extra those poems provided, in that even though I’d finished reading her letter, I still had one more thing of hers, from her, to read and understand. You can’t stick books into a letter. Magazine and newspaper articles would be easier, except for that tiny snag where nobody reads actual physical magazines and newspapers anymore… it’s all on the Web now (thank goodness for the trees at least).

I read books. I read blogs. I read magazine articles, both long (sometimes) and short (far more frequently). If I ever get a Kindle or any other e-reader, it will be exclusively for the purpose of reading periodicals, should they survive the next few years. I do not read poems… but I probably should, if only so that I have something to fold into a letter, or stick on my cube wall.

I’ve missed these.

Reading something that reminds of where you are, and where you should be. Sameera has been using this poem by Hazrat Inayat Khan as her Gchat status for over a week now, and it’s so beautiful I can’t stop reading it every time I sign on:

I asked for strength
and God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom
and God gave me problems to learn to solve.

I asked for prosperity
and God gave me a brain and brawn to work.

I asked for courage
and God gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for love
and God gave me people to help.

I asked for favors
and God gave me opportunities.

I received nothing I wanted.

I received everything I needed.

There have been so many days lately where I am angry and sad, and perhaps that is because I have been pushing myself so hard and therefore have always been hovering right around exhausted, or perhaps it is because I forgot that things are bigger than me, and while I may not understand why God does things, He does, and I should trust Him.

I am looking for a place that will print and mat this for me, for my office and for my home. This, and the dua that Dave made at Mansoor and Ayesha’s valima… am wondering if Papyrus or Sam Flax would do it for me.

Waking up when it’s cold outside and realizing your toes are toasty warm. There’s a line in Richard Adams’s Watership Down about how people who say they like the cold don’t really like the cold so much as they like the knowledge that they are secure against the cold. At first I took offense — I do like the cold, I do! I have so many more fashion options when it’s cold outside! — but with time I’ve come to acknowledge that he’s at least partly right. There’s such a lovely, drowsy feeling about curling up under blankets and being perfectly warm when it’s below freezing outside, like perhaps I was meant for hibernation and it’s just by accident that I’m a human and not a bear.

Funny little tidbits that pop up unannounced. These are the things that keep me going, especially on the tough days. My Twitter feed is a great reliable source, like when @shawnamama tweeted, “Noah: Mom, you said if I was good at the library, I could watch Dora. Me: I did. Noah: I was very good, except I ate my boogers sometimes” or when @poniewozik posted nothing with a hashtag that said #WorkIFeelLikeDoingToday. And even moreso, the people around me every day are full of hilariousness that make me laugh quietly to myself weeks and months later. I appreciate them, and I very much appreciate the ones who indulge my inclination for the occasional ridiculous and keep up the running jokes. It’s a small thing, but especially on the tough days, it means the difference between pushing through and hiding under my desk in the fetal position.

Photo credit: Tea.

Over the last six months, I’ve done a lot of typing, and a lot of talking. An average of seventeen hours a day of typing and talking, for the most part. I haven’t done a lot of sleeping, or seeing my friends, and definitely I haven’t touched a pot or a pan… I’ve pretty much become a takeout girl, the Lois Lane of digital advertising, except that when I take the time to bother, I actually can boil pasta without burning it.

But this week, I’m on vacation. And this week, I’ve been trying to cram six months’ worth of socializing and entertaining into a few short days, which means I’ve been cooking up a storm. My refrigerator is crammed full of half-eaten meals, but I keep making more because I can’t serve half of yesterday’s strata to tomorrow’s guest. At this rate, I won’t have to cook again until after the MLK holiday, but I’m so happy to be chopping and simmering again, and also for the opportunity to try out some new recipes and to revisit some old favorites.

Buttermilk waffles From poor defunct Gourmet magazine, these waffles are my go-to standby when I want to serve something other than cereal for breakfast, especially if the “when” happens to be a weekday and I’m rushing to prep breakfast and still make it to work on time. These take all of ten minutes to put together, start to finish, and people are usually pretty happy to make their own as they want them so I don’t have to spend breakfast as the Waffle Monitor.

I couldn’t find the recipe on Epicurious or any of the other recipe collection sites, so here it is if any of y’all are looking for good, quick, easy buttermilk waffles:

3 c. all-purpose flour
1 tbsp baking powder
3/4 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
3 1/4 c. well-shaken buttermilk
1 1/2 sticks (12 tbsp) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
3 large eggs, lightly beaten
vegetable oil for brushing waffle iron, if necessary (I use butter)

Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt in a large bowl. Add buttermilk, butter, and eggs and stirl until smooth (batter will be thick).  Spoon batter into waffle iron, spreading batter evenly. Cook according to manufacturer’s instructions. Makes twelve 4-inch Belgian waffles or twenty-four 4-inch standard waffles.

This recipe, with its proportions in multiples of threes, scales up or down beautifully. I like to serve mine with fruit and maple syrup.

Spinach and cheese strata I read Deb’s post about hosting brunch AND sleeping in and thought, she has a point. I shouldn’t be slogging my way through brunch in desperate anticipation of when I can crawl back into bed because I’m just so tired if my guests don’t leave soon I’m going to fall asleep in the last of the omelet fixings. Plus, if I’m honest with myself, I can’t really flip omelets to save my life… they always end up looking deformed, like a five year old made them.

Brunches require something eggy and substantial, though, and this strata (also from poor defunct Gourmet magazine) seemed to be exactly what I was looking for. I put it together the night before and baked it in the morning. It made my house smell lovely, but it really does have a bread-pudding texture, and I’m not sure I’m in love with bread pudding. I did like the leftovers cold the next day, though.

Latkes I made zucchini fritters for a Mediterranean-themed iftaar two years ago, and they went over like gangbusters… but they kicked my ass in the making. When I got home from the iftaar that night and saw the mess still left to clean up, I resolved never again to make anything remotely resembling a fritter because they were so obnoxious to fry, but I was desperate for one additional substantial something for brunch. Alicia convinced me that latkes reheat splendidly, so I grated some potatoes, added some sliced onion, and started with the frying.

Fresh out of the pan, these are AMAZING. I cannot believe I waited this long to try or make a latke, which basically tastes like a large homemade tater tot. I LOVE tater tots. However, I think I did a mediocre job of reheating them because the next day they were a little doughy and not nearly so delicious as they’d been the night before. I’m going to need to play around with the reheating process because the cooking process left my house smelling like Fried, and a couple hours plus a healthy dosage of Oust was pretty much necessary to make things livable again.

Breakfast apple granola crisp This granola was my attempt to healthy up brunch a little, and also to provide something sweet in case I didn’t get around to making individual lemon tarts (which I did not). I learned from Deb’s notes and added the lemon juice, sugar, and cornstarch to the apples after I’d cut my way through a pound, so my apples didn’t brown. I simply stirred to coat after every additional apple. The coconut in my crisp burned well before the 45 minutes were up (or the apples fully cooked), which I initially suspected was due to my using sweetened coconut and Deb using unsweetened. Reading through the comments the next day, I realized the coconut burned for several people, so I think I’m going to drop the temperature to 375 and cover the pan about 30 minutes into the bake next time. I served with full-fat Greek yogurt and will probably be putting this together for just myself, no guests, once I start back at work. It’s that good.

Easiest baked mac and cheese I’ve never made mac and cheese before, largely because the calorie count of the dish plus my lack of enthusiasm for making bechamel sauces inevitably steered me towards lighter, red saucier pastas. This one tastes just like classic, unfussy mac and cheese, and is the perfect recipe if you’ve got a four-year-old showing up in a few hours and you haven’t begun to make his lunch, much less his mother’s. It’s so simple it doesn’t even require pre-boiling the macaroni — just puree, stir, and bake.

Chocolate-chocolate chunk muffins I wanted to take something when I went to visit brand new baby Maya, but I’d promised Maya’s mother that I’d be over by three, and as it was just after one, I didn’t think I had time to do cookies or cake, but muffins… muffins whip together quickly and don’t require frosting, and these even had chocolate in them in case anyone wanted to have them for dessert anyway. They came together in twenty minutes and smelled just like cupcakes, but they have a distinctly non-cakey texture.  I wouldn’t want to serve them for dessert (but ate the extra one for dessert anway because they are yummy and chocolate is chocolate).

Tuna nicoise sandwich Uzmaa bought me a subscription to Everyday Food last year. The magazine shows up in my mailbox every other month, but I’ve never actually made anything out of it… until now. I’d bookmarked this sandwich as something to take to Braves games, but who had time to go to Braves games this summer? Or, at least, to plan ahead the food? Wish I had, though, because this sandwich is a hundred times better than anything I could buy at Turner Field, and much healthier too.

3 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
2 tbsp white wine vinegar (I used regular, as that’s what I had)
1 tbsp Dijon mustard (I used spicy brown, as that’s what I had)
8-inch country-style loaf of bread
12 oz. oil-packed tuna, drained
1/4 English cucumber, thinly sliced
1/2 small red onion, thinly sliced
3 tbsp olive tapenade
1 c. packed fresh basil
2 large hard-boiled eggs, sliced
coarse salt
ground black pepper

In a medium bowl, whisk together olive oil, vinegar, and mustard; season with salt and pepper to taste. Transfer 2 tbsp dressing to another bowl. Toss with tuna. To remaining dressing, add cucumber onion; toss to combine.

Cut bread in half horizontally. Remove most of soft interior bread. Spread tapenade on bottom half. Top with basil, then sliced eggs. Season with salt and pepper. Top with tuna, then cucumber mixture, and close sandwich.

Wrap sandwich tightly in plastic and place between two baking sheets. Weight with a heavy skillet. Let stand 1 hour (or refrigerate, up to overnight).

The dressing soaked through to the bottom half of the loaf, so I’m glad I accidentally cut the loaf unevenly so the bottom was thicker than the top. Also I’m not exactly sure what I’m going to do with the remaining 3/4 of the English cucumber (last-ditch options: raita or salad), but this one’s a keeper.

Photo credits: Waffles and cheese.

It didn’t take nearly so long as I thought it would… and at least the links are all fixed now. Still not sure what I think about the design, or where I’m going to go from here, but… fixed.

Happy birthday, Bhaijan.

I thought of him in taraweeh tonight, of how totally different things would have been if he had lived, and what he would be like today, and how next year we’d be planning his 4oth birthday party, and how the pictures of him at 3 or 4 look EXACTLY like the pictures of me when I was 3 or 4, which is something I can’t say for any of the other boys, and how life doesn’t end up the way we plan.

Hmm, so in a nutshell: I suck.

See the post below, about how I ignored my blog and didn’t do the suggested WordPress upgrade and contributed to a DOS attack on my hosting provider. The other part of this story, the part I just recognized, is that I got hacked. I haven’t checked to see how deep yet, but it’s pretty bad, I think. None of my links are working.

It’ll probably end up with me exporting my posts, wiping out my database, and starting all over with an import of the posts I want to keep. And since I don’t have time to do this now, or until December, I’m not sure what the state of blog will be in the meantime.

The main page works. Hope you weren’t looking for anything deeper, though (like advice on where to buy Nabisco Chocolate Wafers… don’t laugh, it’s quite a popular post).

This, I suppose, is what I get for going AWOL from my blog, for not paying attention to it, and for not updating WordPress when they asked me to: a DOS attack on my hosting provider courtesy of a security hole in WordPress, which led to my hosting provider chmod’ing out my main WordPress php file so that it didn’t work anymore, which led to Dan asking why my Web site was down, which led to me noticing the WordPress-related trending topic on Twitter, which led to me upgrading, or trying to, which led to me discovering I no longer knew my database password, which led to me creating a new database user, which led to me upgrading, finally, which led to here, where my old theme doesn’t work and I am late for prayer so I don’t have time to look up a new theme.

So, ugly but back.

For now.